I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
