My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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