im about as happy as oj after his trial
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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