My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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