its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
