what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
