at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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