I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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