i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
