I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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