u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
