I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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