How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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