yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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