lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
