D3 body, D1 cock
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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