you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
