Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
