You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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