so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I did not marry a roomba.
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