He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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