You work out of a Hotel?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
