Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
