I'm so fucking centered right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
