There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
