So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
