Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
