People in love make me want to vomit
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
