Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
