no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
