the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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