SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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