why didn't you poke me back
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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