How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
NoShamevember. You game?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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