Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
