hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
