1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
