I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
