They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
