I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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