You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
