So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You've changed since you got that strap on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
