I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
