You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
