Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
