u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
