VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
