k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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