I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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