i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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