Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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