Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
