Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
